Celebrating Life

Today, May 17th,  is my birthday.  38 years ago today my sweet mother went through excruciating pain to “pop me out” into the world.  Thanks mom!

I will say that overall, I don’t remember many of my birthdays.  I do remember my 5th birthday, and with amazing clarity.  It was at Buddys in Brooklyn, NY.  They had games inside and rides outside.  I remember the boats that were in a 5′ pond that went in circles, and the Roller Coaster that was maybe 100 feet in total. But I remember it all.  I also remember my 21st birthday.  I had just come back from Arizona State University, and went out with my friend Craig and his friends (and some of my old friends).  I really didn’t have a good time, but I know that was my fault.

After that, birthdays really came and went, but not with much fanfare.  It wasn’t until my 28th birthday in 1998 that my birthday was .. memorable.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t a pleasant memory.  My (now ex) wife had planned a birthday party BBQ with my friends and co-workers. We were planning the festivities on the 16th, a Saturday.  She was 33 weeks pregnant with our first baby.  After coming into the house with some groceries she rather casually remarked that she hadn’t felt the baby move all day.  I was on the phone with my friend Jim, and immediately hung up.

I sat her down and told her that I was quite unsettled to hear that.  She said she didn’t think about it all day really, and probably just missed it.  I grabbed an ice pack from the fridge and put it on her belly.  Nothing.  Normally if she had a bowl of ice cream on her belly, the baby went crazy inside.  I tried a 2nd ice pack, nothing.  We called the Doctor and he told us to go to the hospital.  I did my best to keep her calm, telling her that things were OK, talking about the flowers in bloom and a lot of other things.  I saw a hot air balloon and a rainbow, and remarked that all would be well because of those two signs.

We of course  found out that all was not well, and our baby, a boy, had passed.  It was devastating to us.  We waited until Monday the 18th, went back to the hospital, and had to deliver the baby.  Spencer Craig was born still on May 18th 1998.  We were able to hold him, and have some photos of him.  He was very loved.   Of course, we cancelled my birthday festivities, and for the next few years, my birthday was quite a somber day.  We went through counseling and therapy and eventually time healed the wound, though of course, it left a scar.  We did have a child together in 1999, J, and he’s the best blessing in the world!  We are grateful for that.

But this isn’t about that pain, it’s about my birthday.  And why, up until a year or two ago, I didn’t really care much for my birthday as an event.  Meeting Robin nearly 4 years ago and enjoying life with her, I’ve come to enjoy the day, focusing on life, and not difficult memories and death.  Robin and I focus on having fun, living life, and getting the most out of it.  She’s taught me, though i knew this, that you can have a positive outlook or a negative outlook, and that positive is surely better.  And she’s taught me to celebrate my birthday, because frankly, you don’t know how many you have left.  Don’t squander them.

So I had a birthday week!  Last saturday we went to The Food Shack for lunch.  It’s truly on e of our favorite places to eat.  We then went over to The Square Grouper and met our friends Tina, Melissa and  Jack and drank on the water from 4:30 til 10pm having a great time with great friends.  We grabbed a bite to eat and got home around 11:30.  On Friday some co-workers gave me some great cards and a nice bottle of wine to celebrate my birthday.  They usually have cakes and the like for birthdays, but I put out, well before I met Robin, I don’t celebrate mine, and they still keep to that.  Maybe that’ll change.  I also got some great cards and calls from my mom, grandma, and sister!  Dad always forgets, but that’s another blog post.

Then finally, this weekend Robin, J and I went out to Okeechobee to see Robin’s sister Rhonda, and her husband Ty, and our niece S and nephew C.  S is for Simply Fabulous, C is for Crazy Legs when he runs the bases!  Ty inherited the mastery of the BBQ from his Dad, and Que’d up some ribs and chickens.  Rhonda made her famous baked beans, and they’re THE only baked beans I eat.  We ate hearty while the kids played out back, and then went to Crazy Leg’s baseball game.  They unfortunately got whooped, but he still had fun.  We went back home and the kids played while we had some cocktails and BS’ed.  We had a great night, stayed up til about midnight ordering stuff for our upcoming Lake-house trip, and just had fun!

And that’s also what this blog post is about.  Fun.  Have fun!  Enjoy life.  Accept Change and allow change to be a positive force in your life.  And also be willing to change away from the negative forces that “cloud” your life.  Those clouds will come and go.  Just like the clouds in the sky. They never stick around forever.  So try to focus on the fact that the cloud is temporary, and merely offering shade from the summer heat, or rain for the flowers to grow.  Clouds are necessary, but not permanent.  Don’t focus on them. 

Possibly related: